When conversations go wrong…
When conversations go wrong… Usually, when we get lost in a conversation and it goes belly-up, we go down the drain one of two ways.
We say to ourselves, ‘Poor me, I don’t deserve this, I’ll shut down and get back at the other person by giving them the SILENT treatment.’ I’ve been on the receiving end of that treatment many times from different people. It’s very frustrating being on the receiving end of that treatment, especially if you’re a person who’s learned to ‘have it out’.
The other way we can go is into some form of ANGER. We raise our voice, thump the table, get red in the face, the blood pressure goes up, fold our arms, yell louder and lose it. I’ve also been on the giving and receiving end of that treatment many times during discussions on contentious subjects.
I’m sure that you, too, have experienced both. You quite often find that the person who loses it has other big stuff on their mind and this blow-up moment is just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Have the courage to ride out the storm and invite the blow-up person back into the safe place again. Ask the question, ‘What’s really going on here? What’s pushed your buttons?’
You can be sure that one of the parties in the chat will end up in either SILENCE or ANGER, their little old defences coming out again, if they don’t feel safe.
You may not realise it, but you can keep adding all the little angry moments up and pushing them down, down, down deep within and then one day, it all comes out when something or someone causes you to spit it. OFTEN THIS EXPLOSION HAPPENS WITH THE ONES CLOSEST AND DEAREST TO US. Let’s sort this out so the one we love doesn’t cop it.
Remember you are OK and your ideas, opinions and your dreams can be welcomed into the mix to bring out the gold in the conversation. Without them it can be pretty boring. The girl of your dreams needs to be able to safely bring her ideas and opinions forward, too. Wow!